We often experience negative situations...or people! And in response, we find ourselves traveling mental paths that take us towards a fantasized end - whether it's revenge or a different outcome, it's something other than what happened. These paths feel justified, and even initially good - they make us feel partially vindicated and self-righteous. But in the end, does it make us feel any better than before, or doesn't it most often leave us in an even worse mental/emotional state than the one we left.
Don't take that road. As tempting as I know it is (I've done my own share of traveling), I also know from experience that I always, undboutedly feel worse than I did before I took that road. Bottom line, it doesn't change the person or the awful thing that happened. So no matter how good it may feel exacting some mental revenge, or fantasizing about the way things should have gone...the situation or the person still hasn't changed, and no progress has been made by you taking that mental road. And even though it may feel better temporarily, it inevitably leaves you right where you started, and that feels yucky.
So avoid the yuckiness, accept the person or the wrongful act immediately, do what you can to progress the situation, and then leave it at that. You will then never take on that moment or that person as mental baggage, and that, my friend, will leave you free and unburdened.
Isn't that an unwelcome thought! It is a subtle, sneaky thing our mind does to us...it suggests thoughts, mental paths to take, that are hidden in the strata of our brain, so we conclude that not only is it our thought, but it also must be valid and worthy of our attention. So we travel the path, but to what end? Often, we find ourselves amidst a swarm of mosquitos of our own creation. We thought the thought through to its logical conclusion, only to find the mental waters muddier than when we left.
I urge you to consider the thought and its true origin, before you take one step down its path. Often we can deduce where a thought will conclude. We can see that it's negative, judgemental, worrisome or analytical. If it's anything other than positive, I encourage you to bag the thought, refuse the invitation down the path that will only lead to your mental ruin.
I also urge you to watch for any thought that deals with the past or the future. These are also paths that will lead you to muddy waters. If it's based in the past, is there anything to find there? If it's a path that leads to the future, is there any solid contribution we can make...yet? No, there isn't. Stay in the present, with all your mental faculties with you. Only then can you find true peace, and only in that place can you create your greatest value.
Don't be like a hynotist's victim, seduced by the convincing abilities of the mind. Think for yourself, truly and analyze each thought as to its validity to you and to the moment. Choose which paths you take.
We are told from the time that we are little to work hard, do what others tell you, and to keep your nose clean. We grow up looking for that ever-elusive approval of those around us. Bleck. This process and habit causes us to pull away from who we truly are. By filling the requirements of those around us, we gradually forget to fill our own requirements.
And why is this bad? Because in so doing, we lose ourselves. Many spouses have found this to be true, when they wake up, years after the beginning of their relationship, to discover their lives do not fit them, and they do not know who they are anymore. This isn't the spouse's fault, nor is it the fault of the boss or the parent. It is natural for us to expect others to be the same. What is wrong, is when we allow those expectations to distract us from who we really are.
There has to be some point where we say, "Enough. This is not me, nor is it the way I would like to live my life." There also has to be something within us that feels okay about saying that! We must actually know ourselves first. Second, we must like what we know, be proud of it, and be certain that doing things our way, living life on our terms is actually the best way for us to live. THEN can we know when to draw those lines, AND we are also then able to educate those around us that lines do exist and this is where they are. This is not mean, nor selfish, but respectful of both you and others.
Educate yourselves. Live an Instinctive Life, and educate all around you by being you. Allow yourself the space to be you, and you'll notice that others will too.
It's often in our many relationships, that we find ourselves being irritated or affected by another. It's like I ask my boys, "Why would you allow your brother the power to irritate the snot out of you?" Why do we choose to let others affect us, when it so rarely affects them in the same way? Why do we choose to be mentally drugged by our frustration, sadness, irritation, disappointment?
It is important to think over situations that are frustrating or hurtful in relationships, in order to improve our relationships, or the way we show up in them, but do we dwell on them for too long? I think so. I know I have and do still. Be aware of your frustration or hurt or whatever, it's important to assess how we can improve, but it's equally important to then let it go as quickly as possible.
The faster we do, the better off we'll be on the road towards peace, everlasting peace. Wouldn't that be nice? To achieve peace, regardless of our circumstances, that lasts forever? To be able to bounce back, like a bouncy ball, a loaded spring, to our original position, despite being wronged by another - that is true wealth, I believe.
I've heard about people who give those who love them best an impression that they are never satisfied; constantly looking for something that seems to eternally elude them. Sad as it is, is oh so common, isn't it? I bet you could even identify times in your own life when you were doing the same. I certainly can.
So what do you do about these times, whether in your life or in the lives of those you care about? The answer is internal, not external. It's tempting and easy to assume that peace will come with some change "out there." But this is not the case. Eternal peace comes from within only. You're looking for value, right? When we search, we're trying to find something of meaning, something that will bring value to our lives, happiness. The greatest value is inside of each of us. As elusive and intangible as that feels and sounds, it is the only permanent evidence of something greater, here on Earth.
Once you find it in yourself, you also start to see it in others. Here is where value compounds with value. The more you see, the more you'll see - everywhere. This sight - the one that comes naturally to all of us but has been forgotten - causes us to catch onto someone's inner worth, instead of the outer circumstances that not only change constantly, but are of no worth. In fact, it's often these types of circumstances that cause us to become frustrated and irritable with one another.
Look to the eternal. The stuff that's inside, and you'll be much happier - with yourself and others.
What if you believed in something outside of yourself that is greater than all of us? What if you believed in a natural order, of which you are a part? What if you believed that there was someone, something that is watching over you, right now? Would your shoulders relax? Would you find peace, knowing that no matter what, someone was taking care of you, providing for you?
Remember when you were little, and you had all kinds of faith that things would be taken care of? You never worried about your next meal, or if you had clothes to wear, because you had a guardian. The same is true now. You may not be able to see or touch this guardian, but in a way that makes them all the more real, don't you think?
What if there was a flow to the Universe, and all you had to do to be a part of it, was let go? Let go of control over your life, the events, the people, the things. What if you were able to accept each and every person and event that occurred in your life - accept it as real, because it is, without manipulating or scheming how to change it? Would things flow for you then? Would you feel a sense of peace come over you, the likes of which you've never felt before? I believe you would, because I've experimented with these very things, and I feel increased peace, joy and stability - the likes of which I'VE never felt before.
Often we go through life in a solitary fashion, choosing to stay on a metaphorical island, instead of reaching out to others. Many of us feel safer this way and more in control of our lives, our destiny. The problem is, we are battling against something that already exists - a connection to all life. It is part of the natural order of this Universe that we relate to one another, that we interract. By trying to isolate ourselves, we are working against this natural order, and it will only serve to frustrate us and cause us harm.
The next time you are tempted to judge another or attempt to distance yourself in some way from others, try to switch your paradigm to see yourself connected to everyone around you: strangers, family, close friends, those you hate, those you love...those who make you angry and shake your head. Tap into this natural connection, and see if you don't feel a new power infuse you with a sense of love and understanding.
Living your life in such a manner releases stress and brings a smile to your face and peace to your heart, because you will be living in accord with the natural order of the Universe that calls us all to connect. As much as possible, tread lightly on this Earth and the Earth will tread lightly on you. Do so by following its laws, one of which is to connect with all.
How often do you find yourself thinking random, unorganized thoughts? Pretty much all the time? Me too, until someone suggested to me that I didn't have to consider all of those thoughts to be mine. In fact, I didn't even have to entertain all of them. Despite how compelling and attractive some thoughts may be, it's possible that there are thoughts that are not conducive to my well-being, nor to the paths I want to pursue in my life.
The same is potentially true for you. So how do you fix the situation?
First become aware of the thoughts that cross your mind.
Second, realize that those thoughts may not have come from you. They could have originated with your social programming, the way you were raised, your past, your thoughts about the future, the paradigm with which you view the world.
Once you have culled only the thoughts that are truly yours, consider whether or not you wish to pursue them, or give them your precious life energy.
Remember that the negative thoughts will zap your energy the fastest. It's scary, in fact, how quickly they can become all-consuming, to the point of moving your mood from good to bad in an instant, all because you chose to travel down the path that a thought merely suggested.
Thinking is powerful. Be aware of it, and be very careful with it. It can take you where you've only dreamed of going, or it can travel you down a nightmarish path before you even realize the road you're on.
Take care with your thoughts. Only then can they take care of you.
This question is so uncomfortable for us! Why is it so hard to place a value (monetary or otherwise) on our services, our products, our gifts? It shouldn't be, and honestly, until we value ourselves, others will not value us. Especially in today's marketplace. Everyone is looking for things, whether services or products, they can get for free. Will this be you, giving the best of you...for nothing or for less? Don't let it be.
Start today by assessing what YOU would pay, if you were the customer, for your products or services, and then set the price even a little higher. Value yourself, or others won't. You might be surprised what people are willing to pay you, if you only ask. And try not to grimmace when you ask! Ask expectantly, confidently, and they will see your conviction and out come the wallets! You aren't giving nothing, so don't ask for nothing. You're giving the best of you. This is FULL of value!
Confidence in service is what our economy needs right now to rebound. If everyone is willing to undersell, underprice, just to get the customer, then not only are we fostering consumers who look for the cheapest available, we are also contributing less to the cashflow required to build our economy. Stand tall and ask a fair but appropriate value for your products or services. Teach consumers to value quality. Rebuild our nation through hard-earned dollars.
I spoke with a woman today, who mentioned a raging storm outside. We both commented on loving nature and its tumultuous ways. It reminded me of the story behind the logo of Instinctive Life. When it was time for a logo to be created, I contacted the same firm that had worked with me on the design for the entire process. They sent me three possibilities, so that I could start picking and choosing which I liked best. I didn't like any of them! But I couldn't figure out why!! They used all the right colors, and they certainly had followed my list of expectations to the letter, so I was confused.
I called the owner to see if we could get to the bottom of this problem. In our conversation, he mentioned their approach to the creation of the 3 logos; they had meant to convey a feeling of serenity and peace, almost as if the viewer was at a spa or in a relaxing environment. They believed that was the feeling you'd get from going through the process of Instinctive Life. Wrong! I realized then what the problem was! Instinctive Life is not serene or peaceful. It is much like the storm my friend and I talked about - tumultous, revealing and dangerous. It picks you up from the inside, out - and moves you to a place you hadn't been before. This is not serene!
Once I explained this to the design company, they sent me 3 new designs, one of which you see today - perfect in its depiction of Instinctive Life. Storms may be scary, but just like personal growth and discovery, they always leave you somewhere new, with new ways to think, new things to appreciate and a better approach to life.
Welcome the storms in your life, whether literal or figurative, you never know what they'll bring.
Copyright 2010 Personal Life Coach | Instinctive Life Coaching | Life Coach Guide | Live Coach Program , Resources and Guide | Awake, Seek, Identify, Define and Live Your Life's Purpose
